Sounds of Love

This week (well actually the past few weeks) I've been struggling with my vision . . the retinitis pigmentosa that narrows my visual field to a little pindot on the right behind the subcapsular cataract sandbagging my central vision . . and on the left that caters to my right and pretends that schisms are just a part of the way things are..and so I've been having a little pity party :( Yes, I have them, too . . the Dr in the house, the intellectual, the philosopher. And Christ (yes, dad, that's a prayer:) . . I've really had enough! So I visited my favorite therapist . . Patty . . .she offers her salon chair in the corner . . a shelter against the onslaught of the outside world . .and she listens . . intent on every word. And it is the calm in her reply to my angst that gives me hope . .as she says, "we will never let you go through this all alone, I will always be here for you". And although I truly know that I am not alone . . my sisters, my daughters, my son, my mother . . and my bear.

And even as I share this tonight, it is not in grief . .although I have grieved and I'm sure my tears are not over . . but I write it in love for those who are willing to never let us walk alone . . to always be there with us and for us .. to love us even in our imperfection and our struggle to become whole again . . or to create that new place where we are more sure of our steps that we were before.

And so, for you, too . . I am here . . for my ability to hear is even keener now than it was before . . as always, I am still here . . listening

Sometimes We Just Need to be Heard

A few days ago I was spouting off . . letting go of some of the irritations that had been building up (too much to do, not enough time to do it . . .trying to meet everyone else's needs before I tended to my own). I had cooked enough food for an army, gone to the grocery store for the 3rd time in a week, run the vacuum, fixed the belt that slipped off the beater brush, done my 4th load of laundry for the day, and taught 2 classes. This is the truth . . no exaggeration. I had tried stomping it off by walking until my shins and heels hurt. And I was still ticked. So I was trying to talk it out . . .but the person who was supposed to be listening didn't hear what I was really saying. Matter of fact . . he said I was whining. Ouch! When I was sharing this story with my hairdresser (who of course feels like my own personal therapist :) . . she totally understood. Because she really listened. She didn't need to tell me to take a break or do something nice for myself. She didn't tell me to buzz off or to get a grip. She let me talk . . and she listened. Probably because she had been there. I think we all have been there. And we all get over it. But wouldn't it be nice if we could just let loose when we've had enough . . .spew it out . . and be done with it rather than having to hold it in and pretend like everything is ok . . like we're saints (or trolls). Why is it that our society expects us to take whatever comes along and be happy, cheerful little women (with our make-up perfectly applied and dressed in the latest fashion and heels)? Well, I'd like to say that I'm over it . . but as you can see, I'm still mulling it over. And I'm wondering what you think . . . I'm looking for positive women role-models throughout history (and a few in recent history would be nice, too) that might give us a boost up. Who, in your life, has listened and lifted you?