Perception

Our own perception plays into the evolution of our personality (and one that I find most fascinating).

When I reflect on who I am and what I want to be . . .I can only "see" myself . . I cannot distance myself enough to really see or know the perspectives of others and so my own perception is my "launch" pad.  And here is where I think that personality is influenced by self-perception.

When we think about self-esteem in terms of personality . . .it seems that we think introvert or extrovert or flexibility or rigidity . . and yet, I believe that some of who we are definitely comes from how we perceive ourselves in different situations (rightly or wrongly).

"Take care of one another. Be gentle, be compassionate. Be open to letting someone in when it is you who is faltering. Lend your hand. We need it. The world needs it." (Tripathi family 4-24-13)

As always . . I'm listening . .

A Splash of Rain. . .Small Good Things

I've spent tons of energy over the past couple of years trying to "force" myself to adapt to changes that . . unfortunately . . are just a part of life.  Squishy upper arms, financial hurdling, child-prodigy physicians, boring rainy days, and repetitive work.  The challenge for me has been (and never is) in living through the travails . . .but in my constant need to think ahead, be prepared, have an intelligent perspective, and appear unflustered regardless of the shifting daily requirements. 
The truth is: I never thought I would be who I am!  I am slowly beginning to realize that I always thought I might end up being someone else . . .muscular upper arms (and great legs, too, if I'm going to risk really telling the truth). . .  Jilly Bernanke Bean . . . an age-defying, continue-to-know-it-all colleague . .  who lives in a lush gardened area where it only rains at night . . so I can be creatively stimulated with an abundance of novel ideas.  OMG (I hope I haven't shattered my image:) 

Today, as I run through the puddles of water, I've been suddenly splashed with a good downpour of reality.  I've been comparing the truths of who I am and how I should be living to those I created in a very different world . . one that was stagnant . . and one that was only projected.  I've been living in an outdated dream.  Imagine: Barbara Eden and Sandra Day O'Conner.  

The truth is, most of us hold so tightly to our dreams that we cannot see the small good things.  Friends who prod us to write, sisters who guide us to dream . . and yet sometimes we stubbornly hold on to an image we have been squeezing the life out of since we were twenty, but the truth is that we wouldn't want it now if we got it.  Sometimes, it is hard to let go of something that has inspired us for so long. But if you let go of the dream, a new one can come in that is in line with the person you are today. 

I found a picture of myself at the beach . . warm and content in the sun . . surrounded by squealing children in coconut-scented SPF 50.   In this photo, I'm no longer 20 or 30 (good thing:)  . . but I'm smiling.  I'm living vicariously through this image today, visualizing the joys in my life.

Home . . that smells of Bath and Body's Warm Vanilla Sugar. Flats . . that are Royal Blue Snakeskin Puma's.  Dishes that are washed and drying on the hardwood drainer.  Text messages from my oldest grandson and granddaughter.  A video clip and mailed "worksheets" from my SugarBear and Bub.  The sono images of "little baby" . . strong and resounding heartbeats . . sounds from this most precious gift-in-waiting.

Small good things.

Can you see them?  Can you hear them?  I'm listening . . .as always . ..

What to do in the case of ROADBLOCKS

It seems I have spent most of my life trying to be positive, a part of my nature, I'm sure.  However, I also find that on so many days I am stumbling over and into ROADBLOCKS. . .forcing me to run searching for an affirmation or two to lift me up . . .as I'm icing the growing goose-egged bruise right between my eyes:)

When I apply that proverbial hindsight (ice bag to forehead) . . . I can often see where those ROADBLOCKS might have been warning signs. . . placed in my path to try and prevent me from running headlong in the wrong direction :( 

However, hindsight is just that ~ having vision now that I didn't have then.

And so conversely maybe I should be more mindful . . planning with foresight.  However, truth told, my crystal ball just really has not been all that effective since Dorothy was standing in the fortune-teller's wagon.

What I DO know about roadblocks now (notice how I am speaking in the present) is that I see them differently today than I did even last week.  As I am trying to live more in each day . . to honor what is important in life . . .to appreciate the wonder of living . . .and of truly loving and giving love to those who surround me in compassion and kindness ~ the roadblocks of life become smaller and smaller . . .because my focus has changed. 

When we focus on what is really meaningful in our lives. . becoming mindful of our path to peace and contentment . . we create a more positive community that sustains us in the present and in the future. . .

When our focus is clear . . our perceptions become more acute.  , , and we begin to see wondrous things happening in our lives.

In this new year, it seems that I've had a few (too many) roadblocks.  Today, I'm re-naming them reflective "turning points" . . .opportunities to re-focus on what is important. 

Love .. children .. grandchildren (of course) . . and the joy of discovering something wonderful each new day.  I can see my Dad now when I say this. . not necessarily as we were growing up, but as he was growing old.  Life just becomes more precious when we remember that it is a gift. .  .

And hat we have the opportunity each day to share our gifts with others. 

I'd love to hear your thoughts on what you do to ease your way around, under, or through those "turning points". What is important in your life?  What brings you peace and contentment?

As always, I'm listening . . .really listening . . a gift I'd love to return to you.

A Year of Resolve

Oh my goodness, another year opens up . . offering opportunities that we cannot even imagine!  I don't really want to throw out the old . . it's the basis of who I am. . .however, I do want to "encourage" the new.  (I use encourage as a way of gently nudging myself into more positive behaviors, rather than parenting forced and foreign actions . . .and of course, I have to smile as I re-read this line . . sounding ever-so therapeutic:)

My horoscope this year looks great!  (I can't remember exactly what it said when I read it on the 1st, but it was really promising.)  And it you ask me if I really believe in horoscopes, well . . the truth is, there is so much in the way of the cosmos that we really don't know, I figure I might as well use all of the support that is out there:)

Yes . . even as I see what I am writing and how, in this post. . .I see those crazy smiley faces:) and wonder why I feel the need to use them so often .. and so I've turned to the research that recently has shown that the more often we see smiling images, our attitudes are more uplifted.  Livi Pierre (Oct 2012) shares that positive attitudes bring about positive rewards.  Not a really novel idea . . however, when we think about the opposite . . I'm certain that the grumpy faces and harrumphing attitudes that seem to be omnipresent in our current society are not helping any of us.  And although I've never been known as one to bury my head in the sand in false cheeriness, I've just got to find a way to see the beauty of life again, rather than focusing on what I/we cannot fix (without a miracle).

One of my friends sent me a link to a YouTube video that really renewed my perspective on the beauty of life and the fact that each day is a gift . . Imagine.  It reminds me how small I am and yet, how I hold the potential each day to create a positive world . . both for myself and for each other.

That is my hope for each of us. . as we find our way to new possibilities . . encouraging, supporting . . and as always, listening.

I can't wait to hear how you are challenging yourself to be more positive . . as we encourage and support each other in this fabulous life.

The Art of Being in a Doing Season

My daughters and I have been having a discussion lately about the increasing stressors that seem to be all around lately.  The everyday demands of our culture are tremendous for those who cling to the values and beliefs of personal interaction in caring and sharing, rather the incessant niggling that more must be done (to the delight of the busywork elves) or the rising tides of sniping/clucking/downright rudeness (again, I am hearing a devil's delight).

If you checked your anxiety level right now, where would it be?  Totally calm or "off the chart"?  If it feels like your anxiety is escalating (especially in this season of spin and "cliffs") . . you are not alone.

Recent research has shown that anxiety levels in women ARE rising. . it is one of the most under-diagnosed disorder in the US and it is often because healthcare providers "dismiss" women's symptoms as hormonal or just a part of their learned behaviors.

In reality, anxiety and hormones are correlated (yes, really:) in the brain. . . and the estrogen/progesterone swings can influence how women perceive danger.  And then again, social expectations are just as scientifically correlated with a significant number of women who have more "jobs" (child care, cooking/cleaning/laundry, career) and an expected body image of youth/attractive physical characteristics . . and of course, that sexual come-hither personality (even if she has cooked, cleaned, worked, gone to parent-teacher conferences and hasn't had a moment to shave her legs in a week :)

OMG . . see what my anxiety has done?!?  I was supposed to be writing about decreasing anxiety!

Ah yes . . breathe in . . .and breathe out.  

All this talk of anxiety led me to do a little research of my own.  How do we decrease anxiety naturally . . and does it work? 

I ended up watching a video by Jon Kabat-Zinn, PhD discussing his fascinating work with Mindfulness Meditation . . and so I've decided to commit to trying it for myself (yes, yes . . I am an old hippie/earth mother of another generation anyway:)

Not only do I want to do this for the research of reducing anxiety in ordinary women, but also because the resulting "promises" from their research reveal and increased ability for creativity and better use of our minds/bodies in the world.  What a win-win!  

And so I thought it's perfect in this busy holiday season (the season of Santa and Scrambling) . . to increase Being in the world. To really see others . . to be kind . . to help . . to listen.

I just love a good research project . . and I'd love to know what you think.  Mindful Meditation allows me to be present and creative in this season of doing . . with less worry and more hope . . and as always, listening.

To The Lighthouse

Loveliness

and stillness

clasped hands

in the bedroom,

and among the shrouded jugs

and sheeted chairs

even the prying

of the wind,

and the soft nose

of the clammy sea airs,

rubbing, snuffling,

iterating, and reiterating

their questions—

“Will you fade?

Will you perish?”—

scarcely disturbed

the peace,

the indifference,

the air of pure integrity,

as if the question they asked

scarcely needed

that they should answer:

we remain.

Virginia Woolf

Dancing Around Dusty Memories

There's nothing like moving to stir up the dust . . literally and figuratively :)  What to take.  What to leave.  What to cherish . . and. . .what to throw away.

Lugging dusty boxes from the basement and sorting through decades of shoes is enough to make any of us crabby . . but whenever I come across those soft and faded baby blankets stored in the back of the closet .. they still take my breath away.  Precious memories.

High school "Letter" jackets, prom and senior pictures, and medals of honored debates.  Life is so short.

The garage sale was a must. . no matter the work (as if I did nearly as much as Sissy who folded, arranged, tagged, and bid. . while I talked non-stop and closet puffed:)  Truckloads of clothes, dishes, kitchen crap and books went to Goodwill.  Did I mention BOOKS? (omg, that part was hard).

Little angels, potpourri pots, trinkets of my father . . artwork, table leaves, table cloths . . junk drawers full of  wax lips (Halloween 2 years ago for the babies),  Barbie shoes and Ken handkerchiefs, and the pacifier the last one couldn't seem to give up (he's in first grade now:).

I packed up most of it (ok . .  I threw out the wax lips, I was afraid they would melt). Our table here is now covered in odds and ends that haven't yet found their place . . but most of it will (even if it's in a box to dream through one more time).

I am content today with where I've been (although I think that many days we always think we might have done more)  . . and yet hopefully, with each and every moment, I savor each new snippet of life .  .those precious Sykpe videos, the unique Happy Birthday phone songs, the mini-texts, the cat's-eye sunglasses . . since without these memories and wisps of love, . . how would we live?

I still pretend like I live for myself . . but if you ask me while I'm dancing . . I live to spend time with those I love . . sprinkling fairy dust . . and gathering memories.

What are your favorite memories?  If you have a box in the attic (or the basement) . . make yourself a cuppa coffee or pour a sip of wine . . and dance :)