A Year of Resolve

Oh my goodness, another year opens up . . offering opportunities that we cannot even imagine!  I don't really want to throw out the old . . it's the basis of who I am. . .however, I do want to "encourage" the new.  (I use encourage as a way of gently nudging myself into more positive behaviors, rather than parenting forced and foreign actions . . .and of course, I have to smile as I re-read this line . . sounding ever-so therapeutic:)

My horoscope this year looks great!  (I can't remember exactly what it said when I read it on the 1st, but it was really promising.)  And it you ask me if I really believe in horoscopes, well . . the truth is, there is so much in the way of the cosmos that we really don't know, I figure I might as well use all of the support that is out there:)

Yes . . even as I see what I am writing and how, in this post. . .I see those crazy smiley faces:) and wonder why I feel the need to use them so often .. and so I've turned to the research that recently has shown that the more often we see smiling images, our attitudes are more uplifted.  Livi Pierre (Oct 2012) shares that positive attitudes bring about positive rewards.  Not a really novel idea . . however, when we think about the opposite . . I'm certain that the grumpy faces and harrumphing attitudes that seem to be omnipresent in our current society are not helping any of us.  And although I've never been known as one to bury my head in the sand in false cheeriness, I've just got to find a way to see the beauty of life again, rather than focusing on what I/we cannot fix (without a miracle).

One of my friends sent me a link to a YouTube video that really renewed my perspective on the beauty of life and the fact that each day is a gift . . Imagine.  It reminds me how small I am and yet, how I hold the potential each day to create a positive world . . both for myself and for each other.

That is my hope for each of us. . as we find our way to new possibilities . . encouraging, supporting . . and as always, listening.

I can't wait to hear how you are challenging yourself to be more positive . . as we encourage and support each other in this fabulous life.

The Art of Being in a Doing Season

My daughters and I have been having a discussion lately about the increasing stressors that seem to be all around lately.  The everyday demands of our culture are tremendous for those who cling to the values and beliefs of personal interaction in caring and sharing, rather the incessant niggling that more must be done (to the delight of the busywork elves) or the rising tides of sniping/clucking/downright rudeness (again, I am hearing a devil's delight).

If you checked your anxiety level right now, where would it be?  Totally calm or "off the chart"?  If it feels like your anxiety is escalating (especially in this season of spin and "cliffs") . . you are not alone.

Recent research has shown that anxiety levels in women ARE rising. . it is one of the most under-diagnosed disorder in the US and it is often because healthcare providers "dismiss" women's symptoms as hormonal or just a part of their learned behaviors.

In reality, anxiety and hormones are correlated (yes, really:) in the brain. . . and the estrogen/progesterone swings can influence how women perceive danger.  And then again, social expectations are just as scientifically correlated with a significant number of women who have more "jobs" (child care, cooking/cleaning/laundry, career) and an expected body image of youth/attractive physical characteristics . . and of course, that sexual come-hither personality (even if she has cooked, cleaned, worked, gone to parent-teacher conferences and hasn't had a moment to shave her legs in a week :)

OMG . . see what my anxiety has done?!?  I was supposed to be writing about decreasing anxiety!

Ah yes . . breathe in . . .and breathe out.  

All this talk of anxiety led me to do a little research of my own.  How do we decrease anxiety naturally . . and does it work? 

I ended up watching a video by Jon Kabat-Zinn, PhD discussing his fascinating work with Mindfulness Meditation . . and so I've decided to commit to trying it for myself (yes, yes . . I am an old hippie/earth mother of another generation anyway:)

Not only do I want to do this for the research of reducing anxiety in ordinary women, but also because the resulting "promises" from their research reveal and increased ability for creativity and better use of our minds/bodies in the world.  What a win-win!  

And so I thought it's perfect in this busy holiday season (the season of Santa and Scrambling) . . to increase Being in the world. To really see others . . to be kind . . to help . . to listen.

I just love a good research project . . and I'd love to know what you think.  Mindful Meditation allows me to be present and creative in this season of doing . . with less worry and more hope . . and as always, listening.

To The Lighthouse

Loveliness

and stillness

clasped hands

in the bedroom,

and among the shrouded jugs

and sheeted chairs

even the prying

of the wind,

and the soft nose

of the clammy sea airs,

rubbing, snuffling,

iterating, and reiterating

their questions—

“Will you fade?

Will you perish?”—

scarcely disturbed

the peace,

the indifference,

the air of pure integrity,

as if the question they asked

scarcely needed

that they should answer:

we remain.

Virginia Woolf

Dancing Around Dusty Memories

There's nothing like moving to stir up the dust . . literally and figuratively :)  What to take.  What to leave.  What to cherish . . and. . .what to throw away.

Lugging dusty boxes from the basement and sorting through decades of shoes is enough to make any of us crabby . . but whenever I come across those soft and faded baby blankets stored in the back of the closet .. they still take my breath away.  Precious memories.

High school "Letter" jackets, prom and senior pictures, and medals of honored debates.  Life is so short.

The garage sale was a must. . no matter the work (as if I did nearly as much as Sissy who folded, arranged, tagged, and bid. . while I talked non-stop and closet puffed:)  Truckloads of clothes, dishes, kitchen crap and books went to Goodwill.  Did I mention BOOKS? (omg, that part was hard).

Little angels, potpourri pots, trinkets of my father . . artwork, table leaves, table cloths . . junk drawers full of  wax lips (Halloween 2 years ago for the babies),  Barbie shoes and Ken handkerchiefs, and the pacifier the last one couldn't seem to give up (he's in first grade now:).

I packed up most of it (ok . .  I threw out the wax lips, I was afraid they would melt). Our table here is now covered in odds and ends that haven't yet found their place . . but most of it will (even if it's in a box to dream through one more time).

I am content today with where I've been (although I think that many days we always think we might have done more)  . . and yet hopefully, with each and every moment, I savor each new snippet of life .  .those precious Sykpe videos, the unique Happy Birthday phone songs, the mini-texts, the cat's-eye sunglasses . . since without these memories and wisps of love, . . how would we live?

I still pretend like I live for myself . . but if you ask me while I'm dancing . . I live to spend time with those I love . . sprinkling fairy dust . . and gathering memories.

What are your favorite memories?  If you have a box in the attic (or the basement) . . make yourself a cuppa coffee or pour a sip of wine . . and dance :)

What Would We Do Without Friends?

I think this has been a tough summer, tumbling into fall.  The crappy economy that leaves most of us with less money than we've ever had before, the incessant political campaign ads that are so angry and caustic, too much rain and flooding waters for some. . . dry cracked fields for others . . and raging wildfires through the forests and mountains.

Some mornings I get up just dragging.  I pray, I swear, I moan. . .and then I force myself to work on something (even if it's a crossword, although scrubbing floors seems to be really effective for me, too:)

What I really want to do is hide.  I don't want to be cheery . . I don't want to go to tai-chi.  No music, no laughter, no fun.  I read to "find answers" . . I try to still my mind to "hear the solution".  I write.  I stomp.  I ponder.  And then the phone dings or rings . . the friendly reminder . . Happy Mental Health Day . . Happy Thursday!


Friends are our lifesavers.  They pull us back from the brink . . sometimes insanity . . sometimes depression.  They cheer us on.  They encourage us.  They cry with us. . . and then they check on us.  They lift our spirits.

I think it's amazing how much better I feel when "klatch" under the park pavilion in the rain. . .break into spontaneous chatter as I "cane" up a set of library stairs . . crinkle my eyes into a grin as I "see" one of my gal-pal emails pop-up . . and "dance" freestyle on the beach in my heels. 

I even think I might feel a settled contentment as I send a "shout out" back to the old dude steering the Harley:) . . He'll be able to tell it's me . . I'll be the one with the pink towel:)

Bette Midler's song, Friends . . You Got To Have Friends, pops into mind. . .1973.  Can you believe it?  I can't possibly be that old  . . and then one of my friends will gently remind me that I am :) .  .and then I will smile.

So today, tonight . . tomorrow, at the latest. . . let them know. . it's how we make it through.

What would we do without friends?  I'm here . . I'm listening . . with love and cheers to my friends!

Shifting Identities

This morning when I looked in the mirror (yes, I had to get really close to be able to see without my reading glasses :) . . I began to see that I am really changing . . my eyebrows no longer have a full arch (yes, too overplucked for too long). . my lip color has washed to a paler pigment . . the dark circles under my eyes defy the highlighting concealer. .

And yet, I'm going to say it here. . . I still have a definite "look" . . an identity that is uniquely my own.  We all do . . and yet, so many times, we fail to own it.  There are so many days I run around the house in my jammies and a tee . . waiting until I've done my work before jazzing up.  Unfortunately, when I get in a rut . . I never get around to "jazzing" up.  So, if I have to run to the store or run an errand . . well, I tell myself, "no one will notice".  But the truth is, I do.  When those days roll one into another, I feel rumpled, inside and out. . . and I bet my face looks "rumpled", too.

. . .all of this has to do with my shifting identity . . .and if you can relate, yours is probably shifting, too . .

In order to take ourselves seriously . . and to get anything done. . . we have to have an identity (which then also, by context, gives us purpose).  However, just like my changing face as I am ever-so-slightly-getting-older. . .my identity is shifting, too.

In order to define who I am and what I am going to take on . . I've got to choose something and stick to it.  My process and purpose has to be meaningful.  .  . and yet, it only has to make sense to me (however, the caveat here is that it has to be defined and real within myself).

"There is a vitality, a life force, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and because there is only one of you in all time, this expression is unique.  And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and will be lost.  The world will not have it.  It is not your business to determine how good it is, nor how valuable it is, nor how it compares with other expressions.  It is your business to keep it yours, clearly and directly, to keep the channel open". . Martha Graham

And so for me, today, I am "jazzed up" early :)  I am dressed and ready to work.  I have a mission (and a purpose).  And I'm on track.  Open . . and listening . . .still.

Running Away

Why is it that when things are tough, we want to run away?  I've been thinking a lot about this lately . . as have some of my friends.  I am pretty sure it has to do with this instinctual search to protect ourselves. . to find a place where we can retreat from the seemingly constant barrage of needs.  My editor "needs" this today, I "need" to go to the store (and start dinner), "need" to pay the bills . . . and "need" to make certain everyone else's needs are met (which is what creates most of our angst).

And so, when we become overwhelmed (after trying to dig out for weeks/months/years) . . we throw up our hands.  I am never sure whether we give up because we run out of options or run out of energy. . but none-the-less, we choose to flee. . rather than waving the white flag of surrender.

And, I'm thinking maybe this is a good thing :)

After all, if we can run away for a bit (whether to our sister's or to the water's edge), we retain the possibility to find peace in this quiet space.

We cannot "fix" anything other than ourselves.  We know this. . even though we refuse to accept it (over and over).  And the longer we continue to try and fix someone else, it is really just a way that we have to escape working on our own needs. . whether they are painting our toenails or pulling weeds.  And I'm totally convinced that when we give ourselves permission to "run away" . . .we will be taking the first step to beginning again.

I am totally convinced that we have the power to endure . . to flourish. If we can get out of our own way.  And for me, sometimes the best way of seeing is to talk it out, write it out, dance it out, cry it out.  And so, just for today . . I'm running away (with friends :)

Tomorrow, I'll be back . . listening . . .as always . . .